there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
