Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
