i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
