Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
