I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
