She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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