i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Will you blow on my dice?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
