if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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