She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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