Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
