I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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