What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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