I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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