Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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