It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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