this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
