ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
