His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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