does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
