Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
