Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
