You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
When are your genitals available?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
