She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
