I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
