my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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