Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
