remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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