In the future we'll all be gay
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
