I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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