Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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