I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
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