you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
