You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
