Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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