so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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