The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
