We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
