Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
