I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I deserve this hangover.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
