I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
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