Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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