I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
