Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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