Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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