...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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