hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Less talking, more tequila
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
