my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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