Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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