I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
