If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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